Back to the Drawing Board

I bet you might have been wondering where I ran off to. Well, for starters, I decided it was in my best interest to take a break from the protocol. It was the perfect time since this was my spring break. I realized the second time around I jumped into this without the mental preparation I needed. The first time, this was all new to me. I read, and researched, and exhausted all my pro's and con's. It was foolish for me to think I did not need think things through next round. So yeah, I learned the hard way.

But while on my break I sort of did some inspiration searching. I need reaffirmations as to why I started this whole journey in the first place.

On my spring break I watched a lot of discovery health channel. There was a show about the science of obesity. Rather visually informative. there was a clip where a woman was walking and they showed her computer graphic copy walking along beside her, only showing the extra amount of fat she was carrying. That was real interesting to see visually just the amount of fat the obese carry around with them. And then I got to thinking. Sometimes people would say, "I'm basically two people put together". I said it myself. My two best friends who happen to weigh like 105 each, together are basically one of me, in terms of weight. That's a perception I don't care too much for, but it works for motivation purposes. But also, here's another perception we often overlook. If I were really two of my skinny friends put together, I would look pretty good at 210, because technically, I'd still be within my body fat percentage. Women are supposed to have 20% on average of body fat, up to 22% I believe. So, if a woman weighed 140 lbs., roughly 3o lbs. should consist of fat. Well, if that same woman was obese, say 260, and carried an exta 12o lbs., not only is she the weight of two people combined, she is carrying enough fat/energy for 4 people! Now that's more alarming.

I also found pictures of me when I was somewhere between 6 and 10. I was very athletic then. I looked at those pictures for a long time to. I realized that I wasn't always "the fat kid". It made me realize that I simply over ate and somehere down the line my hormones, hypothalamus, endocrine system got out of whack as a result. I understand that genes play a role, but only a small factor. Although my dad and grandparents are overweight, they were all skinny in there youth, up and past there 20's. So I know enviornment played the bigger role. I know how messed up our health is in America, but I am tired of playing the victim. I may be bummed out that I missed some crucial parts of my teen years, but I'll be damned if I let my weight define who I am, where I go, what I do, what I wear, how I approach people, how I look at myself, and so on, from this point on. Hcg has given me the tools I need to take back that part of my life again.

I also bought some makeup for myself. Okay, so that may not have anything to do with the whole hcg thing, but it was more of a confidence booster. I bought some of that mineral makeup (hcg approved), and honestly, it's the most awesome makeup in the world. It took a while to apply it right, as I was trying to do it like those people on bare minerals, and they make it seem like it takes 3 seconds to apply but once I got the hang of it, my face really did look flawless like on tv.

Oh and one more thing. I want to thank ALL of you who have been commenting on my journal this past week and a half. Those were some of the most encouraging comments I've had in a long time. It seems like no matter how much I mess up there's always someone who there for support. Sometimes I brace myself for negative criticism after I type up a journal entry, but to my surprise it never comes. This is not to say that there are no constructive comments, it just means that I'm always given advice in a supportive manner, and that's why you guys are awesome!